Yes, We Cry

Many Americans celebrated the June 9, 2016 report concluding that Hillary Clinton would be the first female nominee for the most powerful office on Earth. Meanwhile, the National Organization for Women, having declared satisfaction with the level of equality in America, has focused attentions on a “love your body” campaign. These and other developments would seem to indicate that the long-running and frequently hyperbolic “debate” on gender and relations between the sexes has evolved into something more thoughtful and constructive.

Unfortunately, not everyone has gotten the message. Academic feminists, for instance, continue to press for adoption of Men’s and Masculinity Studies programs on college campuses. This curriculum maintains, among other things, that a social framework where boys are told, “Don’t cry, son,” as well as overexposure to hyper-masculinized representations of heroic stoicism, has caused males to suppress their emotions, leaving most of us expressively “underdeveloped.” As a result, we are often confronted by frustrated women who ask, “Can’t you just share your feelings?” Others take a more assertive tack–“Show some emotion!” they say. If we don’t cry, it means there is something wrong with us.

Are Men Dispassionate?

My first pet, Princess, was a beagle who taught me a lot about love and loyalty. When I was eight-years old, she went mad, as some dogs do, and bit my best friend, Tommy Mitchell. Consequently, the first love of my life had to be put down. At dusk on a rainy day, my dad led me into the Wisconsin woods, where he did the deed with a .22-caliber pistol. A shot rang out against the dampened tree limbs. Princess’s head slumped back and she collapsed. Suddenly, she lay very still. I looked away, stunned. I sniffled, and then cried deeply.

“Boys don’t cry. It’s a dog,” my father muttered.

I sat in the car while Dad buried Princess. I cried and hugged myself tightly, trying to will things back to the way they were only a day before. I went home and watched a movie, featuring rugged John Wayne, on TV.

 

I have never forgotten that evening when Princess left us. But there have also been other moments and experiences through the years, some good and some bad, that have remained with me, even as I enjoy my retirement from the work force. I have been passionate and emotional about many things throughout my life, but I’m sure the same could be said about others. Contrary to what we men are told, almost all of us have cried and experienced deep and powerful feelings.

Underneath Our Sleeves

And yet, many believe otherwise, largely because we do not wear our emotions on our sleeves. No small number of us prefer to cry in private or, perhaps out of embarrassment, we shed tears more quietly than women do. Societal expectations have likely played a role, but so, too, has our past. Researchers who have evaluated the differences from an evolutionary perspective have concluded that our ancient male ancestors needed to suppress sentiment when they were protecting the village, killing enemies, or hunting for food; over time it was natural for us to keep doing so. As designated protectors, we often mute expressiveness in an effort to better assess circumstances in case we need to leap into action.

Many females, in contrast, are sensitive and quick to show their feelings, imploring us to comfort them and assuage their anxieties in return. We are expected to attend to their emotional needs and grievances, many of which seem endless. Such a dynamic makes it difficult for female partners who might naturally assume the same holds true when things are reversed. But that is not the case: men and women are different and deal with emotions and circumstances in differing ways. Our reactions are typically not like theirs; in many cases, we do not seek their emotional support.

In fact, when we experience fear, it often stirs up empathy so deep that we feel compelled to run to the rescue and save lives. This heroic response seems to come naturally, an instinct at least some of us are born with. Most people, male or female, would probably jump out of their skin if confronted by someone in immediate and grave danger. But men often become extraordinary heroes at such moments. In the aftermath of a house fire or similar tragedy, it is not all that odd to hear a man say, “I saw women stand around crying in hysterics while valuable minutes were slipping away. Another guy and I ran in and did what we had to help those who were in trouble.”

Flawed, or Simply Different?

In family and more relaxed settings, it’s not difficult to see men and women communicating and emoting at different levels, vibrations and methods. In fact, it has become something of a cliché: men complain that their spouses talk too much, while women complain that their husbands only grunt. But this does not necessarily indicate a failing: more often than not, it stems from physiological differences. Scientists who have studied brain function have determined, for example, that nerve signals can follow alternate neuropathways in men and women. By analyzing brain scans, researchers have concluded that the two sexes process feelings by way of different behaviors and patterns, and at dissimilar times and circumstances.

Even then, associating the divergence with obvious physical differences may not tell the whole story. There are those who believe that transsexual and gender-fluid individuals can have much in common with individuals of the opposite sex, or the gender of those they closely identify with. Regardless, an assessment of the binary male brain points to a results-oriented focus, geared towards action and problem-solving. We seek to crack puzzles, ponder universal meanings and explore new horizons. When faced with danger, our minds move into overdrive in a quest for answers and actions to take.

The female brain, in contrast, seems to work in a more process-oriented way. Most are quick to connect, sharing emotions and explaining behavior, delving into various illuminations after networking with others. Girls and women favor social interaction and arrangements where people can come together, either in person or indirectly by telephone, text or email, to communicate and address whatever issues may be at hand. To solve problems, they will often seek to assemble task forces to share ideas, see how others feel, and reach a consensus that takes a great many perspectives into account.

Arguably, the differences between the two sexes can be summed up by an old joke: “When a couple are in a foreign city and get lost, the man looks at the map, while the woman askes someone for directions.”

More than Physiology

Still, while an understanding of gender-based factors is helpful in grasping the differences, physiology isn’t the only factor that influences the way women and men see, evaluate and connect with the world. Career choices, job requirements and other pressures can also influence how individual minds and emotional mechanisms work. Needless to say, understanding this fact can provide useful clues about how best to communicate and work with someone we may care about deeply.

Among those whose careers require them to process emotional imagery and interact with others on a regular basis are health care workers, teachers, social workers, therapists and counselors. In contrast, those who fall into the problem-solving camp, which can include both men and women who are task-oriented and focused on results and solutions, are manual laborers, electricians, technical workers, engineers and those in jobs that involve high physical risk.

Sometimes, Words Say it All

Whether or not an individual fits with the above, there are other ways of assessing where they might fall on the process-action-oriented scale. Simple as it sounds, this includes listening to what they say and how they describe the everyday realities of home, work and life, as illustrated in the table of examples below:

PROCESS-ORIENTED

I saw your mother and she didn’t say “hi”?

How are you feeling?

Do you still love me?

Did you do that to intentionally hurt me?

I saw Carol and Dave today.

Why didn’t you call me back?

How was your day?

I love you more every day.

RESULTS/ACTION-ORIENTED

Did you make any progress at work today?

Are the deadlines close?

Did you solve anything today?

I’m trying to repair my credit–any ideas?

What are you trying to work out?

Is it more complicated than you expected?

After finishing the project, let’s party.

Did you hear we found water on Mars?

Conclusion

The fact that individuals may fall into one camp or another, whether driven by physiology or other factors, means we must not bow down to broad-brush stereotypes, promoted largely by feminist advocates of women’s, gender and masculinities studies curricula, that men, masculinity and gender are social constructs. Such programs are mere propaganda, designed to promote a political agenda and nothing more. Rather than accepting their unscientific assertions that men need to be changed, we should be working to improve how all of us–men and women–exchange ideas and communicate with one another.

For those of us who find themselves in relationships and settings were others don’t respect and understand our differences, and can’t stop labeling men as having stunted emotional maturity, the answer is simple: separate ourselves from these toxic individuals. Instead, choose an extraordinary escape hatch from women’s and society’s misunderstandings–the men of MGTOW. Once you reach out and communicate with our genuine masculine souls, you’ll find friends forever.

 

There is no doubt that men are resourceful and embody the profound passions that have helped to build the greatest civilization on Earth. In the exciting world that we see ahead, things can only get better.

About the Author

 

Tim Patten published his own search for identity in a hysterical and moving autobiography: My Razzle Dazzle under his pen name Todd Peterson. Tim also released in 2016: MGTOW, Building Wealth and Power and WHY I CHEAT11 campfire stories for men’s ears only. Both books are a celebration of masculinity and pay homage to the modern men’s liberation movement. Patten previously published the novel about establishing gender equality in professional sports, Roller Babes: 1950s Women of Roller Derby.

 

Patriarchy and Lesbian Feminist Scholars

Lesbian feminist author Maria Mies once wrote, “If patriarchy had a specific beginning in history, it can certainly have an end.” As with other feminist scholars, a group dominated by mostly white lesbians who share a perversely narrow-minded perspective, Mies is convinced that patriarchy–as well as the male sex–is oppressive and malevolent to women. Ostensibly, they advocate for female equality, but their lengthy lectures say otherwise. Their words detail a horrendously aggressive fraternity of privileged white men who pay women pennies on the dollar as they socially and institutionally oppress, dominate, discriminate against, and abuse them.

In fact, the feminists’ words and actions have little to do with righting a wrong, but are instead founded on a theoretical framework, crafted by a lesbian elite, that maintains males are disgusting and immoral by nature. These experts promote no remedies other than the destruction of patriarchy. In some ways, they are like society’s scolding mothers, warning little boys that masturbating will make them blind. They project a worldview based on a myopically gendered lens that has been characterized as a hate crime by Canada’s Studio Brule and a social disease by Milo Yiannoulos. At their most extreme, their theories have morphed into cancers of annihilation, marked by such derisive memes as StopPatriarchy, KillAllWhiteMen, AllMenAreRapists and KillAllMen.

History of Patriarchy

Patriarchy first appeared in Africa about 200,000 years ago, inspired by a natural order of human needs and talents. In virtually all known histories of our ancient ancestors, the role of the male was that of provider and protector; his strength and daring were deemed critical to the survival of the tribe. The best of the lot were (and are) referred to as “alpha males,” idolized for their contributions. There’s little doubt that the rise of the alpha male was inevitable and necessary, enabling mankind to blaze a trail through dangerous and unfamiliar terrain. (That does not mean they were the only ones. Lesbians or gender-fluid tribe members might also have been hunter-gatherers alongside them. )

Over time, the alpha males became the secular and spiritual leaders, kings, pharaohs and emperors, expanding their wealth, influence and power over others. They launched and drove unrelenting efforts to build great monuments, palaces and religious shrines; some spent the whole of their lives creating the many wonders of the world. From the great Pyramids of Egypt, to the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, to the Statue of Zeus in Greece–the lowliest toiled and slaved for these leaders in their efforts to leave enduring marks on the world.

And yet, while many undoubtedly suffered under the oppressive will of these powerful individuals, it is apparent across all civilizations that patriarchy helped to harness and improve a harsh and often violent world, spurring the development and implementation of innovative technologies and breathtaking infrastructure, including electricity and lighting networks, water supply and sewage treatment facilities, railroads, highways, bridges and other features of modern transportation systems, and the construction of homes, schools, hospitals and other structures. A male-dominated social order was responsible for any number of developments, including the Internet, which have benefited countless individuals of varying means. In many respects, patriarchy is everything, and there is little else.

Women in Patriarchy

That said, not all of history’s movers and shakers have been male. There have been queens and wives with substantial privilege and power. Eleanor of Aquitaine, born in 1122, was one of the wealthiest and most powerful women in Europe and the world during the High Middle Ages. Egyptian leader Hatshepsut, who lived from 1508 BC to 1458 BC, has been regarded as one of the most influential females in the ancient world. Empress Wu Zetian, who was born in 625 AD and lived for 80 years during the Tang Dynasty, is considered to be the most dominant in Chinese history. There was even a queen of Spain who commanded men to risk their lives sailing three ships into a dangerous unknown in a search for spices; they accidentally discovered the Americas.

While the gender imbalance has not been wholly addressed, it is apparent that our world has a richer and far more diverse social fabric than feminist scholars acknowledge. These self-appointed arbiters of society’s alleged failings have defined a naïve model of what the problem is and how it can be fixed. This, in turn, has promulgated propaganda that frightens and disturbs people, especially students, with offensive distinctions and discriminatory labels. While some feminists might have good intentions, all are guilty of using broad strokes and detestable stereotypes in regard to males. Equality aside, there must be a reason for this defilement, other than hatred.

Lesbian Culture

We often hear gender studies professors declare that gender, femininity and masculinity are social constructs, though oddly enough, many will also argue that gay and lesbian people are born that way. In truth, social structures in the gay community of San Francisco–where, one might say, birds of a feather flock together–indicate that gender preferences and perspectives, even in the “gay mecca,” naturally diverge. On any given night, one might see men wearing David Bowie, four-inch, come-fuck-me platform shoes, poised to dance the night away at high-tech nightclubs. In contrast, one might find women who have sequestered themselves inside murky sports bars, discussing such topics as sliding-scale entry fees for the poor and marginalized.

Certainly, some lesbians dislike, even hate men. The ladies at a gay bar can often be heard sharing envious jabs emasculating privileged white males, while the Alix Dobkin song, A Woman’s Love, echoes from rickety speakers amid clacking pool balls. Lesbian bars, in contrast to gay-oriented counterparts, are often located in dank and dangerous parts of town. Inside, it is not uncommon to see heavy-set bullies, terrifying to the eye, interacting with boys who look like hooligan girls, while lipstick-lesbians at the bar swear like sailors, waiting, it seems, for the “right” individual. Some patrons are defensive and aggressive; most are manlier than the real thing. The atmosphere reeks of toxic masculinity, feline jealousy and, sadly, lesbian-on-lesbian sexual assault.

If a man happens to walk through the door, he will invariably be faced with behavior that leaves him cringing and with the urge to back off and head in the other direction. In many ways, lesbian culture seems to be a parody of college-level feminist courses, but without the textbooks, note taking and tuition fees. In this self-designed utopia, these individuals have created a female-only social hierarchy–a paradise without patriarchy. Evidently, they want society, more broadly speaking, to be the same.

The Lesbian War on Men

Advocates of this alternative reality have found another great watering hole in college-level humanities departments. Their influence has been growing since the 1960s, when lesbians came out in droves as the women’s and gay rights movements gained pace. An example of how such thinking has distorted our worldview can be seen in a 1970s BBC documentary, Angry Wimmin. In the film, which explores the origins of the women’s movement, angry lesbians describe patriarchy as “a war on men.” They denigrate male sexuality and spout forth on theories that feminist scholars use to prove that all men are violent, oppressive and potential rapists.

“Angry Wimmin” – A BBC documentary on Lesbian Feminism

Through endless repetition, as well as the unthinking acquiescence and misguided support of the media and the political hierarchy, this view has become the basis for seemingly acceptable slurs that denigrate men as evil and dangerous–which, needless to say, are having a harmful influence on those individuals, especially the young and impressionable, who hear such messages. Unfortunately, such distorted notions are not helping to make society more equal or just. Rather, they are spawning an endless cycle of disgust and distrust that is having a debilitating and far-reaching effect, especially on young boys.

Our Modern Patriarchy

As noted earlier, patriarchy is widespread, impossible–and unnecessary–to dismantle. That said, it is becoming increasingly inclusive, with females such as France’s Liliane Bettencourt, the richest woman in the world, and Alice Walton, the second richest with $32.3 billion to her name, near the top of the pyramid. In fact, reports suggest that 10% of the world’s most powerful people are women, while 1% are people of color. Diverse and ever changing, this social framework is protecting women and providing financial and other benefits to many of those who been disenfranchised.

Unfortunately, the lesbian scholars who exert such a powerful influence on college-level humanities, women’s and gender studies programs, and whose careers have been built on warped theories, disagree. But their influence is diminishing. Rational and clear-thinking people are recognizing that all genders, races and nationalities must surmount any number of obstacles to become socially mobile and financially buoyant.

As a result, they are seeing the feminist mantra for what it is: fringe-nutcase conspiracy theories that rely on hyperbolic narrow-mindedness to justify a collective aversion toward men. The pseudo-scholars have built a rickety latticework on propaganda and half-truths. They have spent considerable time slaying invisible dragons and poisoning minds. Instead of helping people to become more productive and happy, they have inspired anger and anarchy.

Conclusion

Even so, there is no reason to try to rid the world of these lost souls or disrupt their livelihoods. If they choose to escape from what they imagine patriarchy to be by congregating in closed (and closed-minded) communities, socializing in lesbian bars, and proselyting in the women’s and gender studies departments of institutions of higher learning across the country, so be it. They have made their choices freely, and they have the same right as any of us has to live lives and embark on careers that we believe are best for us.

But that does not mean we should do nothing. We should try to benefit from their mistakes. We should take pains to understand their gendered lens and choose to inclusively move forward, ignoring the false credo of male domination. We must also come to terms with the secret of happiness: accepting what is. For all its faults, patriarchy has, since time immemorial, helped to solve a great many of mankind’s problems and protected us from harm. We should modify and enhance it for the benefit of all.  By embracing how things actually work, we can build our own power, wealth and freedom, and can draw others toward us that we can love and appreciate.

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About the Author

Tim Patten published his own search for identity in a hysterical and moving autobiography: My Razzle Dazzle under his pen name Todd Peterson. Tim also released in 2016: MGTOW, Building Wealth and Power and WHY I CHEAT11 campfire stories for men’s ears only. Both books are a celebration of masculinity and pay homage to the modern men’s liberation movement. Patten previously published the novel about establishing gender equality in professional sports, Roller Babes: 1950s Women of Roller Derby.